you are not on my list
by Rouhn
Summary: Emma has a list of things she wants to do with her boyfriend 2017. Now she only has 11 days left and after breaking off with Walsh she has no hope of finishing it by herself in time. But her best friend, Killian, has other plans.


So, finally I finished my CSJJ story 2018 - I want to thank lenfaz for doing the csjanuaryjoy this year and I hope you all will enjoy this little story.

Also, thank you, hookedonapirate for beta reading my story but not only for that but helping me push through it ❤️ - I never struggled to write anything as much as this time and she helped me with her patience and kind words and thank you, resident-of-storybrooke for the title and, well, listening

* * *

Every time Emma went into her kitchen she passed it, saw it and felt bad about it. Her eyes wandered on their own accord, searching for the yellow legal paper with the list she'd made about a year ago. A list of things she wanted to accomplish this year - places to visit, activities to attend and shows to see. She had seen such a list at Mary Margaret's house; her sister was always the most creative person she knew. How hard could such a list be for a couple when Mary Margaret did it for a four-person household? Well, it seemed to be harder than she thought.

All twelve choices on Walsh's list were already fulfilled, but six things on her list were uncompleted, and she had no chance to do them in the next few days. Eleven days remained in the year - eleven days to complete her list. But she had hoped to do it with Walsh, instead of by herself, but they'd ended their relationship three weeks ago. Emma had finally realised that she had no future with him (maybe catching him with his boss, Zelena, did the trick).

Emma had it all mapped out in her head; two activities per month, which was simple and not everything had to be done over a weekend or on a specific date. She knew it was wrong that she blamed Walsh and his lack of time and lack of interest in her activities for not completing her list. She should have done it all on her own or brought someone else but she didn't want to make him feel bad for not being able to join her. Emma wasn't sure why, but she let others dictate her life. She wanted to make everyone happy, but she'd always forget someone - herself.

Sighing, she sat at the kitchen counter with a steaming cup of coffee in her hands, looking out the window when suddenly the doorbell rang. Huffing in annoyance, she trudged to the door. Her surprise was evident on her face when she saw _him_ standing in front of her house. He was wearing tight black jeans and a dark sweater-vest over a blue henley. She had to admit he looked pretty damn hot.

Shaking her head, she came back to her senses, blushing slightly when she realised she was staring a tad too long. "Killian? What are you doing here at this ungodly hour?" Confusion edged her voice as she tilted her head, leaning against the doorframe.

"Get dressed - warmly," he replied with a smile. It was past eight o'clock, but he knew his best friend; he knew she wasn't functioning before ten nor without coffee in her system. He didn't say anything else; he was only staring, waiting for her to do what he asked.

Emma stepped back; who was she to deny her best friend such a request? She went into the kitchen as he followed, and she sat at the kitchen counter again, pressing her lips into a thin line while suppressing a smile when she saw the irritated expression on his face.

"Oh come on, Killian, I think you know me well enough to know I don't function without a freshly brewed cup of coffee."

He shook his head, looking at her sternly. "No time for coffee, Swan; get dressed! We have to leave the house in ten minutes." When she didn't move, he grew antsy, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "We have enough time for coffee on our way, so come on!"

"On our way where?"

"You will see, if you get dressed. You have eight minutes and thirty seven seconds, love."

Emma rolled her eyes, but this time hurried upstairs, changing into slim-fit blue jeans, a blue tank top and a red turtleneck sweater. She let her hair fall over her back and was back in the kitchen seven minutes and fifty seconds later.

Beaming at her, Killian put his hand on the small of her back and led her towards his car. "Matching clothes?" he teased with a chuckled, and she blushed when realisation hit her. 

* * *

Emma's eyes lit up; she was staring out of the window with her nose literally pressed against it.

Was he really taking her where she thought he would?

When his car finally came to a halt, Emma turned her head slowly. A huge smile was plastered on her face, her eyes twinkling and her cheeks flushed.

"Killian! How- how did you know? Why are we here?" Emma stammered, which was something she only did when she was nervous.

"Well, Swan, there are eleven days left of the year and you still have six things to do on your list. And as your best friend, I thought we would do them together."

If they weren't in his cramped car she would have hugged him then and there. He was the best! She had absolutely no clue he was paying attention; he had never mentioned anything before.

"Killian, that's-" they got out of the car, looking around in awe.

"Beautiful," he finished, his eyes never leaving her.

She blushed involuntarily, not sure if he meant their surroundings or something else.

Killian gathered two pairs of ice skates, two sleds and a huge bag which he gave Emma to carry. With the bag in her hands, a beanie on her head and a scarf wrapped around her face, she followed Killian, her eyes sparkling. She was so happy and excited!

After five minutes they finally stood on a small hill; on one side was the parking lot and the woods, and on the other she could see the small frozen lake.

Killian smiled at her. "Now you can cross two of the things from your list. How about we bring the ice skates and food down to the lake before we have some fun sledding down the hill?"

"How about combining both?" Emma asked excitedly, taking one sled and looking back briefly before pushing herself off and screaming in excitement while sledding down the hill. The huge bag in front of her was close from falling, but she paid it no attention. Enjoying the cold air against her cheeks, the snowflakes dancing around her and the happy feeling in her stomach, she yelled a happy "Woohoo!" and came to a halt. Looking over her shoulder she saw Killian half way down; he looked a bit frightened but also very excited. Placing the bag on a nearby bench. she waited for Killian, pulling out her phone and taking a picture of him.

"That was fun." Killian laughed and placed the shoes next to the bag. "The last one on the hill has to carry the heavy stuff back to the car!" He yelled and dashed off with his sled. Emma opened her mouth in protest, took her sled and followed him quickly.

It was a head-to-head race; Killian won and threw his hands up in the air, making a silly dance as he beamed at her.

 _Slosh._

The snowball hit him directly in the face, Emma's laugh echoing through the cold, crisp air. "Oi!" Killian stared at her in shock while Emma was laughing so hard she had to hold her belly.

 _Slosh._

Emma stopped abruptly, looking at Killian in surprise. "Just you wait, my friend!" she yelled, gathering some snow, forming a snowball and throwing it at him. Within seconds they were in a merciless snowball fight. Without any cover, there was only one possibility - _attack_!

She was already on top of him, had him tackled in a moment of inattention, her hand merely inches away from his face and full of snow.

"I surrender! I give up, you won. Parley!"

Emma rolled her eyes smiling. Killian loved to refer to himself as a pirate whenever he had the chance to. He had a ship, wore eyeliner, loved to sail, and Captain Hook from Peter Pan was his favourite villain. She was used to it. She kind of liked it, but she would never admit that. Smiling in triumph, Emma got rid of the snow in her hand, sitting up, straddling him absentmindedly. A mistake that was made evident when, in a smooth swift motion, he turned them over, pinning her hands above her head. "You should never trust a pirate, love."

Her laugh died in her throat; she was looking into his eyes, his face and nose red from the cold, matching hers. His beanie was nearly off his head, and there was snow in his hair, on his beanie, scarf and coat. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, his tongue wetting his lips absentmindedly. She felt his hot breath on her face and felt his weight press her deliciously into the cold snow. _If only he would bend down and press his lips to hers._ Emma gasped in irritation, her breath hitched and she pushed him off her, getting up, brushing the snow off her clothes. _What was wrong with her? He was her best friend. She just ended another relationship. What happened that suddenly she saw him in that different light?_

 _She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, clearly missing something he just asked her. "Huh?" Her eyes snapped open, looking at him as he studied ed her in concern._

"I asked - are you alright, Swan?" He stepped closer, but Emma moved back and took her sled, trying to stay steady. She didn't want to ruin the day because of some feelings finally bubbling up to the surface.

"Yeah," she tried to brush it off casually, "but I'll bet you won't be able to win this race again." With those words she was off the hill, rushing down at full speed, the cold air clearing her head immediately; she concentrated on nothing other than the feeling in her belly. She felt free, happy and relaxed - something she hadn't felt in a long time.

Suddenly Emma felt a presence next to her and looked to her right; Killian was nearly kneeling on his sled, making himself smaller to be more aerodynamic.

"Surely not, buddy!" Emma yelled and steered her sled to her right.

"Careful, Emma!"

She only laughed when Killian tried to avoid her and nearly toppled over. This time Emma won, but when she saw Killian's scowl, she sighed and apologised. "Couldn't let you win again," she said smiling.

"Well, at least you could let me live a bit longer. You could have killed me with that unfair maneuver," he huffed in annoyance, but Emma simply rolled her eyes.

"Oh come on, who is always saying he is a survivor? And you proved it again; you didn't even fall off your sled."

"Well, what can I say? I'm a hell of a Captain, love," Killian smirked at her, his hand bashfully scratching behind his ear. Emma bumped into him in a friendly way before she hurried back towards the top of the hill. "But you surely are the death of me," Killian added silently, shaking his head when he followed her up.

For the next hours they sled down the hill and ran up again, racing each other and starting at least two other snowball fights - both quick and dirty. Emma rubbed snow into his face or stuffed a hand full of snow into his coat while he remained a perfect gentleman. When their stomachs rumbled simultaneously, they decided to take a break.

Emma was sitting on the table with her legs crossed while Killian sat on a bench, his feet propped up on the table; he pointed at the sleds and the not yet used ice skates. "So, love, you can strike sledding and ice skating off your list," Killian started when Emma interrupted him chewing on her sandwich. "And 'attend a snowball fight'; don't you forget that one." She took another bite, looking at her best friend with glittering eyes.

"Aye, so we've done three things of your list; if we continue in the same style, we will be able to finish your list within the next few days."

Emma's face fell, and she shook her head, sighing. "Impossible. One thing is to attend at a Red Sox game, but the season ended in October."

"Well," Killian scratched behind his ear again - a clear sign of him being nervous.

Emma narrowed her eyes, waiting for him to go on. "Well, what, Killian?"

"Well, I wanted to give it to you in the car, but I may as well can do it now." He dug into the huge bag and grabbed a DVD, tossing it towards her. "I know it isn't the same as being at a live game, but maybe we can have a friend's night soon and watch the last game together? And uhm - I already bought us two tickets for next season. I hope-"

Emma couldn't stop herself; she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his to silence him. It was merely a quick motion - something more or less meaningless. He didn't have to know that her heart skipped a beat the moment their lips met; he also didn't have to know that Emma was thinking about how soft his lips were, how much she longed to feel his lips and tongue everywhere on her or how much she longed to touch and kiss him everywhere, and longed for him to touch her.

Before Emma could give in completely, she broke the kiss and pulled away, looking at him innocently and thanking him with a warm smile before taking a last bite of her sandwich.

He gazed at her as wrecked as she felt but she tried to ignore it. _He was still her best friend_ \- _the only constant in her life, the one person she could never lose, her anchor, her soulmate and her everything._ Shaking her head to get rid of those thoughts - since when was Emma Swan such a sentimental person? - she got up, finishing her drink and grabbing the skates that were next to Killian. "How about we test the ice? It's been far too long since I did that."

Killian nodded, grabbed his own skates and exchanged his boots, waiting until Emma was finally done. Stuffing everything back into the bag, he secured it under the sleds before taking her hand and leading her onto the ice.

There were already several other people on the ice; the frozen lake was quite popular, especially among families. Killian held her hand tightly, never letting go as he guided her safely around the other patrons. He waited patiently for her to adjust, watching her carefully without pressuring, and always gave her enough space to try on her own. The longer they skated, the more confident she became; at one point she was bold enough to dance around him, trying to skate backwards until nearly falling down. Killian was quicker though, catching her, pulling her into his arms and locking eyes with her as he smiled. "If you want me to hold you, you just have to ask, love." His innuendo made Emma roll her eyes, although her heart skipped a beat. He was so close, his body pressing against hers and both breathing the same air. With only a small motion, she could be kissing him again. Her gaze flickered between his eyes and lips, but before she could do anything he pushed her away gently, taking her hand again.

They skated until Emma couldn't feel her toes anymore; their hands were still linked and the sun was already disappearing behind the hills, painting the sky with red and pink. They hurried back to the car, seeking warmth inside and smiling at each other. Emma wanted to say him thank you for the great day again but before she had a chance to open her mouth, Killian began to speak.

"Let me ask you out on a date, Emma," Killian said, observing her with big eyes.

Emma's jaw dropped; she opened and closed her mouth several times, not able to form any words.

"I know this must be coming out of the blue for you, but - well, not for me. I have been planning to ask you out for a long time now and I know you just broke things off with that monkey, but-"

"Okay," Emma's answer wasn't more than a faint whisper, and it didn't only surprise Killian but also herself.

"What?"

"You can take me out on a date, Killian." She was now beaming at him too; to be honest, she never felt happier in her life until Killian suddenly closed the gap between them and kissed her softly. Emma didn't feel cold anymore - her body was radiating heat - and without noticing, she deepened the kiss, her fingers finding his hair and pulling him even closer. Tilting her head, she opened up for him, giving in completely, their tongues colliding and tasting each other, making her skin tingle.

When they broke the kiss, they gasped for air, staring into each other's eyes; hope, happiness and love shined through. Killian brought her home, both kissing each other again in front of her house, before he promised her to pick her up the next day at seven.

Two days later, Emma's list lay in between a pile of clothes; each one of the things to do had a box next to it, each one marked off, signifying her list was completed. The room was filled with laughter and cheers, and bathed in a soft white glow from the television as Killian gently rubbed Emma's bare upper arm. Her head laying on his chest, completely enchanted by the game on screen.

He smiled at Emma and placed a kiss to her hair before taking a piece of paper from her nightstand and going through it once again. Thinking of the latest events and the upcoming year, he smiled happily, feeling content and excited.

Emma shifted a bit, looking at Killian with big eyes. The list forgotten, he pulled her closer, absentmindedly releasing the piece of paper from his hand and letting it land on the floor next to Emma's list, revealing its contents as he kissed her sweetly on the lips...

 **Killian's and Emma's list of things to do 2018**

 _watch a sunrise on Killian's boat_

 _go to a Red Sox game - June 27th_

 _have another winter day outside (sledding, ice skating, snowball fight)_

 _wellness day at spa_

 _visit New York City_

 _try the new slide at waterpark_

 _go to Disneyland_

 _go on a rollercoaster ride_

 _attend a drive-in-movie_

 _have a big birthday party_

 _binge watch Stranger Things_

 _attend yoga classes_

 _attend art classes_

 _enjoy our time together_

 _tell Mary Margaret and the other's (or not ;) )_


End file.
